Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
