So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
