Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
