The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
