dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
