u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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