ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
