Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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