My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
