she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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