I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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