I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
