I wish I could punch you in the face.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
