can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
