I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Randomize
