Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Randomize
