I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
