right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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