Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
