So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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