Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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