Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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