nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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