Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
