The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
