Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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