I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
