Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Say something about gay babies.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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