I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
