so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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