We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
