How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
