Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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