i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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