do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i need some magic done to my vagina
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
