There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
