This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
