i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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