ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
