Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
