Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i out mim tonsoeep
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