i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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