I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
