I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
