Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
