Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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