Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
