Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
