I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
