see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
